Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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