I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I checked into jail on foursquare
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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