I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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