So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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