Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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