Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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