I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
