There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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