She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish you could order shots online.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
