He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
