Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
