This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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