Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
