She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
