clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
