Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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