i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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