I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
