I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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