So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
