I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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