can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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