Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
