capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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