hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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