I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
