I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
