I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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