i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
