My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize