Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
