I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
