Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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