I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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