Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
