I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize