if i can run in heels then i can drive
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You have to summon your inner elephant
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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