maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
