I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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