I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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