Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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