Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
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i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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