No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
