I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
