Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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