p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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