Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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