he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
