So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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