He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just forgot I was standing up.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
