very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
