The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was like his penis was on wheels.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
ttyl tear gas
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
