I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's always time for handjobs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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