I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
