She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
