pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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