I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize