I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
are you so shy because you have an std?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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