we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it because I queefed?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
