"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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