Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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