I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
