The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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